1970
2月中旬，伊麗莎白寫信給Baumann醫生，提到自己很想離開巴西，然而Suzanne卻想留下來，雖然她在鎮上的生活並不十分順利。伊麗莎白還提到，她越來越懷念和蘿塔往日快樂的時光：
...X.Y. (指Suzanne) likes it here, I can't see why - well, I think she likes all this building, and re-constructing -I don't; I just want things done, and peaceful, and a little order at last. （Suzanne想留在巴西）
...If I get that award, I thought it might be enough to make a quick trip to the U.S. I need some dentistry, eyeglasses, medicines, and certainly I need a change. I'm afraid X.Y. would object strenuously. （伊麗莎白想回美國，但Suzanne不想回去，後來伊麗莎白推出嚇人的陰謀論）Well, we'll see, and it probably won't happen, anyway. In fact, I see no end to it all.
I try to keep remembering that I had about 15 really happy years until Lota got so sick - and I should be grateful - most people don't have that much, I know. But since she died, Anny （Baumann醫生的名字）- I just don't seem to care whether I live or die. I seem to miss her more every day of my life. (對蘿塔懷念日益加深） I try hard to live in the present, as everyone always says - but the present is so hideous to me. I wish I could shake all this off and enjoy things a bit more - but I can't seem to. I must get out of this country, and never come back to it. X.Y. doesn't understand this at all, of course, and I don't talk about it, naturally.....
伊麗莎白與Suzanne經常激烈吵架，伊麗莎白認為對方私自挪用家計，又沒有好好執行監工，而且會偷走或撕壞伊麗莎白的手稿。最糟糕的是Suzanne常有脫序行為，鎮上居民稱她是瘋女人。有次Suzanne不滿當地的垃圾清運，自己拖著垃圾走下一哩山路，丟在鎮公所大廳上。
伊麗莎白根據羅威爾和蘿塔病發時現象，認為Suzanne的精神狀況出問題(為什麼伊麗莎白親近的人多有精神問題？）。危機感突然讓伊麗莎白打起精神，不再喝酒，另外請專業監工負責修繕。
伊麗莎白開始整理自己的書籍和文稿，想要減少連回美國的材積。她還打算賣出值錢的手稿，因為她聽說美國的博物館收購恩師Marianna Moore早期手稿。
財務一直是伊麗莎白心中的重要課題。有次她準備參加當地的藝文座談，她事先寫好講詞，最後卻沒出席。講詞提到識字能力多限於巴西富裕階層，所以巴西的文人不愁吃穿，但是美國作家必須要兼職教書，煩惱謀生之道，常處於精神焦慮。
伊麗莎白曾向The New Yorker毛遂自薦負責書評專欄。對方寄了八十多本書供她挑選喜歡的題目，結果一篇也沒寫出來。
3月初，伊麗莎白以第四本詩集獲得National Book Award (國國家圖書獎)，巴西政府特別安排司機打算護送伊麗莎白至機場登機。她不想前往美國領獎，推說自己沒有冬季服裝。後來由羅威爾代為出席領獎。
羅威爾在典禮上朗讀伊麗莎白擔任國會圖書館詩詞顧問時，至病院探視詩人Ezra Pound而寫的"Visit To St. Elizabeth’s"，唸完後發表聲明認為以Pound的成就應該早被提名獲得肯定，結果激怒評審引發抗議。
伊麗莎白慶幸沒有出席會場，她告訴羅威爾自己只在乎有沒有領到錢。
Suzanne原本要在初夏把兒子帶回美國交給前夫輪流撫養，伊麗莎白期待Suzanne能離開一陣子，希望自己能脫離Suzanne的精神虐待，但是伊麗莎白忍不到那個時候，提前送Suzanne去醫院。
其實伊麗莎白在2/27寫給羅威爾的信件早就提到她盼望Suzanne離開，就像盼望從黑暗的山洞中出來重見光明：
...Have you ever gone through caves? - I did once, in Mexico, and hated it so I've never gone through the famous ones right near hear here. Finally, after hours of stumbling along, one sees daylight ahead - faint blue glimmer - and it never looked so wonderful before. That's what I fell as thought I were waiting for now (怨現在生活如在黑暗） - just the faintest glimmer that I'm going to get out of this somehow, alive....
關於伊麗莎白安置Suzanne的方式，二本傳記的寫法出現岐異。
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| 看起來嚇人的電療 |
伊麗莎白寫信向Suzanne的家人和她的前夫說明病情，建議Suzanne回到西雅圖應接受完善治療。
但Suzanne的感受完全相反。Suzanne說她沒病，她被送到關閉政治犯的監獄，而不是醫院。她在獄中被毆打，被注射嗎啡，成天昏迷不醒。後來她說服工作人員，聯絡美國大使館幫助她出獄，並且接回小孩一起返回美國。(*對照其他資料，後半段的逃獄情節並不合理)
另一個目擊證人版本：原先在舊金山幫忙保姆工作的女大生二度來巴西，拜訪伊麗莎白。有天晩餐目睹兩人大吵，Suzanne把食物和餐盤摔在牆壁上。那天晚上一直聽到Suzanne尖叫聲。
次日早上伊麗莎白請女大生幫忙陪伴Szuanne到里約熱內盧。伊麗莎白滿臉痛苦，覺得自己對Suzanne的情況無能為力。Szuanne則是一臉倦容，強自鎖定帶著行李一起離開。但這不是她最後一次離開。
這個傳記還提到Linda的回憶，有次Suzanne住進Belo Horizonte的醫院。伊麗莎白打電話請Linda代為探視Szuanne。當時Linda與伊麗莎白還不熟識，是她弟弟和伊麗莎白比較親近。
後來Linda還協助說服Szuanne回美國散心。姊弟倆打點回美國的細節，Linda帶她去機場。Szuanne最後一刻改變心意不想登機，Linda只好把小孩交給空服員，Szuanne只能無奈地跟著搭上飛機。
我另外找到伊麗莎白的信件選集來對照事發經過，5/11她寫給Baumann醫生一封長信：
I am afraid my news is very bad. X.Y. had a very bad breakdown and I finally got her to consent to go to a hospital in Belo Horizonte. At least, I got her as far as Belo Horizonte, and to a psychiatrist of her choice (the most famous there & head of the Brazilian Medical Association...). Our good friends there, and Dr. Sergio Bicalho, our medical doctor, and I all finally persuaded her to go to a hospital the night of the 28th April. (Suzanne是半強迫半自願住院，伊麗莎白另外抱怨Suzanne故意挑選最貴的醫生）
She stayed there until early morning May 10th, yesterday. I had taken over her bags and the little boy the day before, Monday afternoon. The doctor, or a very good friend of ours (其中一位朋友就是Linda) (I don't know which yet, but fortunately she still was liking them both), flew with her to Rio and saw that she got safely on the plane to San Francisco, and some member of her family was to meet her plane.....I wrote the mother the day after X.Y. went to the hospital, and also several times more; and the Cultural Attache (US) (可能是Suzanne說法中的美國大使館人員) who also acts as consul in Belo Horizonte, telephoned her last Friday night.
Well, I suppose I should have realized much, much sooner that she was really extremely sick. I don't know why one never does & especially when one is living in close contact with someone in that state. ( And I have had enough experience by now, it would seem.) But about three months ago now I made up my mind that she had to leave, and also had to have some psychiatric care as soon as possible - she was obviously getting worse all the time, and even I could recognize the symptoms. Every time she seemed to be in a calm enough frame of mind I told her that when Googie (the little boy) ha to go back to his father, the first part of May, I wanted her to go with him, and take a good long vacation, and ses a doctor. She would apparently accept this, but then when she got worked up the next time she would accuse me of "throwing her out,"etc., and refuse to go, and so on (Suzanne的意志反反覆覆).......
Her ambivalence toward me was quite incredible - and I only really became aware of it in February, I think. I should have know much sooner - but she is a good actress, also concealed many, many things from me, including her own room, which she kept locked (& that didn't seem too strange, since there were a lot of building supplies in it and the Ouro Preto workers steal a lot). Since i have got into it, I have been appalled at the accumulation, and the disorder, and the fantastic things I have found there....(我用《A Beautiful Mind 美麗境界》裡狂亂的房間來想像Suzanne的房間)
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| A Beautiful Mind 片中駭人的房間景像 |
I think in some strange way X.Y. wanted to be me - and so really was trig to kill me off (彷彿《Single White Female 雙面女郎》裡的情節) , to have the house, etc., all for herself......She is crazy about this house an made plans for it way beyond my means all the time. The poor girl fought with everyone in this town, I think, and has made a great many problems for me here......
Srgio tells me it is schizophrenia（精神分裂）with paranoid symptoms, too. She though the nurses at the clinic are poisoning her, and other typical symptoms.......
Suzanne離開後，伊麗莎白心情平靜下來，拾回靈感，重新提筆。這段期間她終於完成斟酌許久的作品"In The Waiting Room"，後來於1971/7/17在The New Yorker發表。
伊麗莎白越來越懷念蘿塔，她5/20寫信問Ashley Brown有沒有蘿塔的照片可以複製：
...Do you have any old pictures, snapshots or anything - any good at all, of Lota? I have almost nothing. I'd be extremely grateful if you have anything if you'd have copies made for me. Mary Morse went over everything in Petropolis before I got there and took everything good....
...Mary Morse also burned all my letters to Lota, which Lota had carefully saved so that I could use them - the Amazon trip, London, all sorts of little trips when I was away from her. (伊麗莎白認為瑪麗把所有她和蘿塔之間的關聯全部毀掉）This is the second time this has happened to me - my correspondence over years, with an old friend, been burned by someone else who had no business to do it.....
學者考證，這段時間伊麗莎白可能構思長詩"Cursor In England"懷念蘿塔的離去以及在巴西的往日時光。
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| James Merrill（左）與伴侶攝於 1973 |
伊麗莎白對蘿塔的感情，這句最知名的告白：I’ve never in my life had anyone make that kind of gesture toward me, and it just meant everything. 正是她在1970年親口對James Merrill所說。
不過伊麗莎白也向James Merrill承認自己不喜歡lesbian的標籤，反而大談年輕時在紐約和某位男子的戀愛故事。
伊麗莎白還請求James Merrill幫助Jose申請獎助金，讓他可以去美國就學。但我沒看到Jose有沒有獲得獎助金。
不過羅威爾及時提供另一個機會拯救伊麗莎白。他推薦她以一學期一萬美元的待遇接手麻薩諸塞州哈佛大學秋季班的教職，因為他要帶家人去英國。
此時，久未回信的Suzanne家人捎來訊息，Suzanne沒生病，只是受到一些感染。伊麗莎白寄去錢和病歷，希望Suzanne接受治療，但是她並未就醫。
伊麗莎白一度希望如果Suzanne是正常的，就帶她去麻薩諸塞州。沒多久西岸的朋友通報Suzanne精神崩潰，Suzanne想要進入舊金山的公寓，結果用藥劑注射，被強制隔離。
Suzanne一整個夏天拼寫信給伊麗莎白。伊麗莎白突然感到恐懼，擔心Suzanne會自己飛到哈佛大學，扯出令人難堪的事情。
James Merrill是伊麗莎白難得的美國訪客，八月份他離開後，伊麗莎白因為憂鬱症發作住院一個星期，甚至還在Jose家中休養一個禮拜。
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| 攝於1970, 可能拍攝於Merrill來訪期間 |
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| 詩人在起居室的壁爐前，桌上有本The Complete Poems |
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| 能帶來的書已不多 |
伊麗莎白回到美國之前，先來到里約熱內盧會見熟識的裁縫師，製作正式的衣著。她待了幾天，覺得孤獨無依，和這個城市格格不入。
9月下旬終於抵達麻州，距離開課只剩四天。
伊麗莎白一開始住在哈佛大學Graduate Centr的宿舍，校方答應接著會讓她移到Kirkland House，然後她就會遇見此生最後一位至愛。
10月初伊麗莎白悄悄回到舊金山，靠著律師和西岸朋友的協助，把公寓解約，物品全部打包運送。10/3寫信給Baumann醫生，提到Szuanne後續的情況：
...X.Y's physical health is very poor, too.....We agreed that if she will go to him for a check-up and be treated by him, we would both be willing to help with that medical expense. (如果Szuanne願意接受一位醫生朋友的治療，不用擔心費用）But nothing else - just something that should be checked up on. And I would jut do it through the lawyer, of course. He is young but very bright, I think - he has handled all the trouble very well and has the advantage of knowing quite a lot about X.Y. - more than I do, probably. I am terribly sorry for her; her family is quite hopeless as far as I know - won't do anything at all （Szuanne的家人並不認為需要治療）- but I must avoid any communication with her, I know. It is sa, and awful. I certainly tried, but know I can't do any more（竟然要用到律師來處理兩人關係，似乎給人觀感不佳）......
不過Szuanne還是探聽到伊麗莎白的行蹤，11月初她搬到哈佛大學附近，在伊麗莎白下課後找到機會說話。伊麗莎白6/17寫給幫她打包舊金山公寓的西岸友人，提到當時戲劇化的經過：
...X.Y. has appeared on the scene. Just as I was beginning to relax a bit - and Wednesday the seminar had gone very well, and then on Tuesday much better, it seemed to me - and I thought I could do all right, after all. The students started out and I was gathering up my books and papers when I saw a figure standing by the door. It's rather large gloomy old room and the doorway is dark. At first I really couldn't believe it. But the figure didn't go away, and sure enough it was X.Y. (以為日子步上正軌，怎料Szuanne意外出現）
I walked her out of there and through the campus, talking all the time so that she wouldn't talk, and got her here. She seemed pretty subdued at first, but of course soon began all the horrors she had been through in Brazil: how the doctor and two of my friends (brother & sister)had told her to get out long before she left(untrue, I'm sure); how they had tried to kill her in the hospital; how they are in a plot to get me, get my "money", my house, et. How they had asked her about the terms of my will. (This might be true, I suppose, but if so it was probably to protect me from her, because toward the end they were all afraid something might happen to me.) (Szuanne控訴她在巴西遭受不當對待，從伊麗莎白角度認為是醫生調查Szuanne有沒有謀財害命的意圖）
Well, she took a bath and while she was in the tub （可能用洗澡來安撫她的情緒？）I went down to the office here & called Bob, the lawyer....Down there I found out from the secretary, a nice friendly girl named Alice [Methfessel] （真命天女出現）that X.Y. had arrived that afternoon; had hung around - Alice and the other secretary guessed something was very wrong but didn't know what. They had given her tea - she wouldn't give her name or say what she wanted, just to find me. They knew I had a class, but didn't know where. （Szuanne從Alice等人打聽到教室位置，多麼巧的命運！）
- Well, back upstairs here Bob arrived ver quickly - he thought he should come. It took us hours and hours to get her to go home with him - up till about 10 [p.m.]....There wasn't much noise but it was pretty touchy and I was very frightened. Then she went off with Bob - only after I had promised to see her the next day. （最後由律師護送回去）
...Friday night I was getting ready to go to a rather fancy dinner party and she arrived - fortunately Alice spotted her and warned me and I didn't go to the door but this was just luck and would never happen again, probably. She hung around my door almost an hour - knocking from time to time - finally left. In the morning I found a letter in my mailbox. She has taken a room right near here - and wanted "references" to apply to go to college....To keep her awe I did write two brief noes, saying all I could honestly say....And that's the way it is now an I am scared to death....(兩天後她再度出現，Alice發現她的行蹤事先提出警告，伊麗莎白關在房間不敢出來。事後她留言已住附近想就讀附近大學，請伊麗莎白寫推薦函，伊麗莎白不情願地寫，而且還寫出她很討人厭disturbed）
Oh, then she somehow tracked down an English girl we know who is now working here, an occupational therapist. I saw her first and told her what was happening. She knows how things are because she visited in Brazil a year or more....She went to this girl's house the same Friday night an talked for over three hours to her guests - and Hilary, the girl, said that she was extremely convincing about it all.... （Szuanne向曾在舊金山幫忙保姆工作，且來訪巴西的女大生抒發她的悲慘故事。怎麼那位女大生也在那裡？）
Szuanne後來真的進入某所大學念書，伊麗莎白透過律師幫她支付第一學期一半的學費。Szuanne的故事差不多到此為止，但有個意想不到的結尾：最後她畢業成為醫生。
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