Fears. Some of them are wounds that exist long before we exist.
(有些恐懼造成的創傷早有悠久歷史.)
My mom was always late. It drove me crazy as a child. So I'm always on time-or early.
(她有時間潔癖,不喜歡遲到.)
There's a tremendous amount of power that comes from not having to say yes.
(不隨意苟同,就是種力量.你得佩服她的堅持.)
It's very hard for me to get a new car. It's really hard for me to get a new house. It's really hard for me to move on from the things that give me stability. I just ... don't. There's a tenacity to that which is great, because I'm totally loyal. But that keeps you living in the past a bit. And it's hard to embrace the future if you are continually holding on to who you used to be.
(她念舊、穩定、忠誠,但也坦承很難擁抱未來)
The Night Watch由BBC2改編,正在Bath(巴斯)拍攝,取景地點包括 Sydney Gardens,Royal Victoria Park。預定明年播出。
製作人為Annie Tricklebank,她最近製作Lark Rise to Candleford,影集的女主角是演過Sugar Rush的Olivia Hallinan。不過,OH並沒有出現在The Night Watch,反而是在Sugar Rush第二季一開始喜歡幼齒妹的Anna在本劇中出現。
同樣為了擺脫一段不如意的愛情關係而遠赴意大利找尋自我,美國影片與法國影片採取截然不同的態度。《Under The Tuscn Sun 托斯卡尼艷陽》下循溫情圓滿路線,主角和美麗的房子成為世界的中心,讓觀眾跟著劇中人獲得滿足(雖然這不是什麼壞事)。《Villa Amalia女人出走》則是獨斷地自我主義,她要與現代社會完全脫勾,孤獨地住在懸崖邊簡陋的房子。
《Room In Rome》出現許多歷史線索,到底這些安排有沒有特別意義?我們可能永遠不會知道導演真正的意圖,我只是整理出一些歷史背景,讓《Room In Rome》從另外一個角度增添不少層次感。這些背景對劇情不致於有決定性的影響,但可增加觀影的樂趣,你定會訝異歐洲文化的重要片段被濃縮在一個房間,一個夜晚。
現在還不到分析《Room in Rome》的時候,但這真是一部很有意思的影片(即使在聽不懂西語發音,沒有字幕的階段下).我心中已準備了好幾條解析的線索,其中一條與地理和空間有關.
義大利自古以來就是情慾與浪漫的代名詞,在西方同志文化中亦佔有重要的地位.Anne Lister在日記中用Go to Italy暗示要求完整的女女性行為,Daphne Du Maurier(戴芬杜莫里哀):"I had Venetian tendencies. 我有威尼斯式的傾向.",指的就是女女傾向(見本篇:神秘的作品與作家的秘密).這部電影故事發生在羅馬,吻合基本的文化傳承.
Anne Lister與巴夫人在房裡的時間越來越久,要說她們的行為沒被別人發覺異樣,我是打死不相信。Anne已經不再滿足於牽牽小手,親親小臉的層級,她要求更直接的肌膚之親。但倆人對於雙方的關係有不同的期望。巴夫人要求正式名份,雖然她不見得能清楚描述那到底是什麼樣的同性婚姻。畢竟觀念太先進了。Anne其實只想要一個情婦,而且是短暫的激情。可憐的巴夫人頻頻招架不住。不過話說回來,她並非不愛這個味。
1824/11/11:I locked the door as usual, then lifted her down and place her on my knee. By & by she said, 's the door fast?' I, forgetting, got up to see, then took her again on my knee & there she sat till four & three quarters, when Mlld de Sans sent to ask if I could receive. [I] told the maid I was sorry, I could not, I had got so bad a headache. The fact was I was heated & in a state not fit to see anyone. 她關上門,將巴夫人拉到膝上.巴夫人擔心門沒關緊,她還起身檢查一次.倆人這樣親密挨著大半個下午.連珊小姐差人問訪,她都推說頭痛不能見客.實際上她正在熱頭上,怎能見人?
I had kissed & pressed Mrs Barlow on my knee till I had had a complete fit of passion. My knees & thighs shook, my breathing & everything told her what was the matter. She said she did me no good. I said it was a little headache & I should go to sleep. 她身軀抽動,呼吸急促,巴夫人當然了解人事,卻半開玩笑,這樣有害健康.Anne順勢說是頭痛,睡一覺就好了.
I then leaned on her bosom &, pretending to sleep, kept pottering about & rubbing the surface of her queer. Then made several gentle efforts to put my hand up her petticoats which, however, she prevented. But she so crossed her legs & leaned against me that I put my hand over & grubbled her on the outside of her petticoats till she was evidently a little excited, & it was from this that Mlld de Sans' maid roused us.她靠在巴夫人胸口裝睡,但手不安份地伸向禁地.巴夫人併攏雙腿努力阻擋,她只好在襯裙外徘徊.巴夫人被勾起幾分興奮,此時正是珊小姐差人在門外問訪.
*研究指出此處的queer,推論是Anne誤植,本意應該是指quim,即女性私處。
Mrs Barlow had once whispered, holding her head on my shoulder, a word or two which, I think, were, 'Do you love me?' But I took no notice, still pretending to be asleep. She afterwards said once or twice, 'It is good to pretend to be asleep,' & the once, while I was grubbling pretty strongly, 'You know you pinch me.' From this she never attempted to escape. 巴夫人倚在她的肩頭,低語問道「最可怕的」問題:「你是否愛我?」她繼續裝睡不回答,努力進攻.巴夫人一會兒抱怨她裝睡,一會兒嬌斥:妳在捏我啊.
Before, when rubbing her in front, she had every now & then held my hand but always let me have it back again. After Mlld de Sans' maid roused us, she [drew] her chair close to the bed. I sat on the bed & partly knelt on one knee so as to have her quite close & she began to reproach herself, saying she was a poor, weak creature & what should I think of her.巴夫人天人交戰,幾次拉走她的手,最後又讓她放回來.珊小姐的僕人離去後,巴夫人把椅子拉近床邊.她則坐在床上單腳微曲,靠近巴夫人.巴夫人開始自責自己怯於面對誘惑.
I protested love & respect. Said it was all my fault & I would be miserable if she waw too severe to herself. Can you not love me on little bit for all the great deal I love you? 她雖然承認錯在自己,但不忘抱怨巴夫人怎能為了保全清譽,而陷她於痛苦之中.為何巴夫人不施予小愛回報她的大愛?
巴夫人面對下午激烈攻防,精力盡失.晚上照例和她相對,但面容憔悴,而且顯露愧色.
她提到晚餐時向別人讚美巴夫人的外貌,對方回予完全相反意見:
[On my] saying to Mme Galvani that she was pretty, 'No, not at all, said she, 'beaucoup plus laide que moi' ['uglier than me'], & that she look eight & thirty. Her skin & complexion were bad. I thought of all this when kissing her & thought it would not do for always. 她說巴夫人很漂亮,賈夫人卻批評「比我還醜」,說巴夫人看來像38歲,膚質很差.她親吻著巴夫人就想起這段話.這是感嘆好花不常在嗎?
巴夫人自己也感受到年齡的障礙.
11/12:She said she wondered how I could like an old woman as she was. I said if she really thought this, I ony hoped it was an argument in favour of what I had just said about my regard. 巴夫人很疑惑為什麼她會喜歡上像她這樣年紀的女人?
In stooping over her, the waist of my new gown hung off a little. She put her hand down on the left side, almost touchin the nipple of the breast, evidently wishing to feel it. She felt the stuffing but made no remark. I let her do it, observing I should hope to do the same. She did not much notice this but with a half no. She said it looked as if ready for anyone. I said for no one but herself, but she might do anything.她起身作勢制止巴夫人胡思亂想,剛好衣服腰際被扯緊,胸部線條顯露.巴夫人垂手幾乎碰觸她的粉暈.巴夫人感觸到她的挺起,沒有顯示任何表情.她也想對巴夫人回手,對方不置可否.巴夫人說她似乎蓄勢待發,她奉承只等巴夫人一人.
She begins to stand closer to me. I might easily press queer to queer. Our liking each other is now mutually understood and acknowledged. I asked her this morning how much she thought I liked her. She said as much as contented her & that was not a little. She would not refuse sleping with me if we could manage it well....巴夫人越靠越近,她順勢貼攏,倆人至此心意已明.她開始提出同床的要求.....
次日,Anne放下純潔無知的偽裝,開始講起追尋自我的心路歷程.
11/13:[I] said I had thought much, studied anatomy, etc. Could not find it out. Could not understand myself. It was all the effect of the mind. Noexterior formation accounted for it. Alluded to their begin an internal correspondence or likenes of some of the male or female organs of generation. Alluded to the stones not slipping thro' the ring till after birth, etc. She took all this very well, I said ladies could often hear from a man what they could not from a woman & she could from me what she could not from Mrs Mackenzie. She allowed this, saying it depended on how she loved them. 她思考了很久,還研究過解剖,根本找不到答案,不曉得自已為何和別人不一樣.她歸因於心理因素.可能性別在形成時,沒有區分出來.或許出生時,天命沒有配對好,就好像birth stone沒有對到正確的birth ring.常聽有些男仕提過,他們無法從女人身上得到滿足.她進一步說,巴夫人可以從她得到的滿足,卻不一定能從麥小姐得到.巴小姐認為這要依據她有多愛那一個人.
Got on the subject of Saffic regard. [I] said there was artifice in it. It was very different from mine & would be no pleasure to me. I liked to have those i loved near me as possible, etc. Asked if she understood. She said no. [I] told her I knew by her eyes she did & she did not deny it, therefore I know she understands all about the use of a----. Alluded to self-pollution, how much it was practised. Thought my connection with the ladies more excusable than this. 她接著提到女性之愛(不知她對於saffic的定義為何?),認為過於「人工化」(暗指假陽具),不符她的喜好.她喜歡儘量和對方親近.她問巴夫人是否了解她所指為何.巴夫人否認,但是她從對方眼神看出,巴夫人完全曉得假陽具的使用.
Happening to say I often told my uncle & aunt how I longed to have someone with me, she wondered what they would think of the person. I said my aunt knew nothing about it, nor would my uncle think anything. Then, expressing my wish to have her, she anwered, 'But we have had not priest but love. Do you not know the quotation?' I did not yet I said yes. 她常對姑丈和姑媽表示要找個女伴,兩位老人家並不反對,但對女女一事完全不懂.她便向巴夫人提議,巴夫人卻反應:「我們的結合,只有愛情而沒有神父的見證.妳聽過這句俗諺?」她根本沒聽過,卻硬是點頭.(*Not priest but love,後來便成為Anne其中一本日記集的書名)
She told me before dinner I had given her a warm look the first morning she had come to call on me & she had remembered it ever since & always liked me. 原來巴夫人對她一見鍾情.她到達巴黎次日早餐,對巴夫人投以溫暖的眼神,從此喜歡上她.
11/14:[I] became rather excited. Felt her breasts & queer a little. Tried to put my hand up her petticoat but she prevented. Touched her flesh just above the knee twice. I kissed her warmly & held her strongly. She said what a state I was putting myself into. She got up to go away & went to the door. I followed. 她繼續貼身進取的攻勢,巴夫人繼續阻止她的手在襯裙裡亂竄.最後巴夫人脫身退至門邊.她趕緊尾隨.
這段可以證明,巴夫人同並非不愛這個味。
Finding she lingered a moment, pressed her closely & again tried to put my hand up her petticoats. Finding that she would not let me do this but still that she was a little excited, I became regularly so myself. I felt her grow warm & she let me grubble & press her tightly with my left hand whilst I held her against the door with the other, all the while putting my tongue into her mouth & kissing her so passionately as to excite her not a little, I am sure. 其實巴夫人在門邊另闢戰場.兩人站著妳來我往,情緒越來越高昂,乾脆法式熱吻起來.
When it was over she put her handkerchief to her eyes &, shedding a few tears, said, 'You are used to these things, I am not.' 終於冷卻下來,巴夫人懊惱輕拭清淚,怪罪她之前裝清純:「妳根本就是箇中好手,但我不是」(怎麼把錯全推到對方身上)
I still therefore pressed her to let me in tomorrow before she was up, when Mrs Page [Mrs Barlow's servant] was gone with Miss Barlow to school. She would not promise. Asked me what I would do. I said teach her to love me better.....On leaving me, her face looked hot, her hair out of curl & herself languid, exactly as if after a connection had taken place....她仍在說服同床,提議巴夫人的僕人送小孩上學時,讓她溜進房裡.巴夫人一口回拒,又好奇她想做什麼?她說要教導她更好的技巧....巴夫人要離去時,她臉頰發燙,頭髮散亂,全身酸軟,好似真的經歷一場性事....
*我猜想Anne腦子裡想的是這樣的畫面:
11/15:I contrived to ask if I had no hope of making her dearer to me before I went. She said, 'No, never, till we are married.' 'Oh,' said I, 'can nothing persuade you to anticipate?' 'No,' said she, 'I hope not. You would then leave me very unhappy.' 她不斷要求在她離開巴黎之前能更進一步.巴夫人堅持一定要在結婚之後.
I told her how she had changed me. I used to think I could not choose a woman who had had any experience & at first I could not bear to hear her name Colonel Barlow. Now I rather liked both these things. 她吐露一件心事.她以前認為不可能愛上曾有異性經驗的女人,更不敢想像她還掛著夫家的姓氏.現在她對這兩件事亳不在意.(Anne從這段感情獲得很大的自信,卻沒學會如個珍惜對方)
Anne的最大罩門在於她不知如何穿著體面。
11/17:She said the people stopt to stare at me. She thought it was my gown, it was so trumbled & shabby. 巴夫人說街上行人會駐足注視著她,因為她的衣著實在寒酸.
拜倫的作品一直是Anne追求女友的暗號。
11/18: I foolishly told her I meant to give her Lord Byron's works, She mentioned Galignani's edition, which I knew not of, & I must give it. 她開玩笑要送巴夫人一本拜倫的作品,巴夫人指名要Galignani的版本.她沒聽過,硬是點頭要送.
後來,她們真的同床了﹣﹣不過是同床午睡。
11/22:At twelve, got into bed with my flannel waistcoat, chemise, drawers, nigh-things, dressing-gown, stockings & boots on. At first, Mrs Barlow, who never left me till five, sat by my bedside. I then persuaded her to et in. I got my left leg & thigh quite between hers. Held her close. I think we both slept for a considerable while. 不知為何她正中午全身穿載齊全睡在床上。大概穿這麼多,沒有其他意圖的樣子,巴夫人跟著一起睡了午覺。
[I] said again & again I wished I could marry her. I would gladly do it at that moment, then I could have my own way. 她一而再表示要與巴夫人成婚.但一轉頭,她心知肚明不過是場面話,只為能為所欲為.
11/23:Poor soul! I begin to feel that I have really attached her & that I cannot find it in my heart to deceive her more. 她一時良心發現,覺得自己越來越喜歡巴夫人,不忍心欺騙對方.
Poor soul! How she is deceived. Why have I done this? I thought at first to succeed on my own terms, letting her know I was engaged. Then I could not acknowledge that Marianna loved me. I durst not say I was engaged to anyone else lest she should hereafter see me living with Marianna. For Marianna's sake I could not let her suspect anything & thus have I gone, from little to more, into this deceiving. 她承認讓巴夫人知道自己有婚約約是權益之計,但後來不敢明說那就是Marianna.將來巴夫人看到她和Marianna一起生活不就拆穿了?為了Marianna,她的謊言越扯越大.
法國導演Alain Corneau的遺作《Crime d'amour》英文片名《Love Crime》,二位女主角Kristin Scott Thomas 與 Ludivine Sagnier 因為職場上的權力鬥爭,產生愛恨交織的張力.電影界一直很鍾情《All About Eve 彗星美人》類型的題材,為什麼女人之間的感情被描寫得這麼複雜?
一般人認為公爵夫人是壞朋友,誘導皇后吃喝玩樂,因此八卦傳單最愛影射兩人有不可告人之事(如下面插圖,圖片來源,BTW,這是個有關瑪莉安東尼的法文討論版,可以挖到很多寶).但是越讀一些文章,越覺得這是當時有心人士抹黃的技倆.通常我樂於接受名人的女女傳聞,但就瑪莉安東尼的流言,我認為動機可議,手法不足可取。如果你想看一些辯駁,可以參考:Madame de Polignac and the Politics of Calumny
另一位被影射的人物是Princesse de Lamballe 朗巴爾王妃(左圖),本名:Maria Teresa Luisa of Savoy(1749﹣1792)。與公爵夫人差不多同時成為皇后的伴友。史料上記載朗巴爾王妃有才學,個性較為拘謹,但深受皇后喜愛,使她成為八卦傳單攻擊的人物。
瑪莉皇后的女女傳聞後來越發不可收拾,原本只是政敵一旁捕風捉影,最後竟出現一位女子隔海在英國出版回憶錄,大言不慚自己是皇后的同性情人.這就是知名醜聞"Affair of the Diamond Necklace 鑽石項鍊事件"
話說瑪莉皇后的公公:路易十五,為了討好情婦Madame du Barry,向珠寶商Boehmer訂製豪華鑽石項鍊.不幸,作品尚未完成,路易十五就去世了.珠寶商希望剛繼任王位的路易十六夫婦能買下鑽石項鍊,以解決先前投資製作項鍊造成的財務危機.但是這一大串鑽石項鍊實在過於昂貴,就算皇室也不敢下手.
Boehmer等了好幾次機會勸購.第二次時機是皇后生下第一胎,皇后不是不了解國家情勢,馬上拒絕:"At that price we have more need of a ship of the line than a necklace."(這時候是買戰艦而不是買項鍊的節骨眼)珠寶商不死心,皇后生下男嬰,再度上前遊說.皇后仍然拒絕,而且勸他把項鍊拆解零售.但是散鑽的價值比不上整條項鍊,Boehmer的危機便被Comtesse de la Motte 莫特瓦洛女伯爵所利用.
女伯爵本名:Jeanne de Valois, Jeanne de Saint-Rémy-de Luz(1756–1791),號稱有皇室血統,她父親據說是法王亨利二世的私生子.因為沒有名份,Jeanne小時候生活貧困,一心想要取得貴族地位.她應付男人的身段高超,藉由一個一個入幕之賓,慢慢往上層階級發展.
1783年,她遇上Louis René Édouard de Rohan (1734–1803),人稱Cardinal de Rohan羅昂樞機主教.雖然名為主教,卻沒什麼道德情操.Jeanne成為他的情婦,發現主教急欲討好皇后.其實主教曾經散播過皇后的壞話,當然對他沒有好感.
Jeanne靠著先生在禁衛軍工作之便,以及與宮內秘書Retaux de Villette的床上關係,開始羅織騙局.她告訴主教能代為牽線至皇后,兩人可以秘密通信.主教為什麼相信Jeanne如此神通廣大?據說她當時便聲稱自己是皇后的同性戀人.那個時代只有同志被別人指控,還沒人敢自行出櫃,更何況外面的八卦傳單謠言滿天飛,可憐的主教信以為真,根本未警覺皇后的來信全是偽造.這一幫人甚至找來一個女演員喬裝成皇后,安排與主教月下夜會,暗示主教偷偷出錢買下鑽石項鍊送給皇室,皇后再用其他方式回報.
"The Queen's death must be dated from the Diamond Necklace Trial" (皇后的死期從審判鑽石項鍊事件開始倒數.)
Jeanne入獄前判處鞭刑,還被烙印.但是反皇黨人士幫助她逃出監禁,變裝成男人,坐船逃到英國.她沒有銷聲匿跡,反而出版回憶錄Mémoires justificatifs de la comtesse de Valois de La Motte,出一本還不夠,1789年接著出了第二本.這二本回憶錄為法國大革命搧風點火,皇后與Jeanne的同性戀情更是有理說不清.
Beyond The Drama of Anne Lister 系列 Part 1:二百年前日記的發掘與解密過程 Part 2:Lister Family,與二位舊情人-Eliza Raine, Isabella Norcliffe(Tip) Part 3:Belcombe Family,Marianna出嫁 Part 4:1821~1822,Marianna婚後與Anne的戀情 Part 5:1824~1825,巴黎生活前情概要 Part 6:巴黎戀情的四位候選人-Mrs Barlow, Miss Pope, Mlle de Sans, Miss Mackenzie Part 7:The Game for Two 與巴夫人的雙人遊戲 Part 8:Behind The Door 門後春光
Somehow she began talking of that one of the things of which Marie Antoinette was accused of was being too fond of women. I, with perfect mastery of countenance, said I had never heard of it before and could not understand or believe it. . . . I said I would not believe such a thing existed. (Anne面不改色,說是從沒聽過這等事.請注意,她並非指沒聽過瑪莉皇后的女女情,而是指從沒聽過西方曾有同志存在.....這也裝得太過火了!)
當時有本未授權回憶錄用諷刺的方式提到她的女女偏好,有興趣者可詳見:Rictor Norton (Ed.), Memoirs of Antonina [Marie Antoinette] 1791", Homosexuality in Eighteenth-Century England: A Sourcebook, 24 July 2002.
Mrs Barlow said it was mentioned in scripture, not in the New Testament not Deuteronomy, nor Leviticus. I said I believe that when reduced to the last extremity — I was going to mention the use of phalli but luckily Mrs Barlow said, 'You mean two men being fond of each other?' & I said 'Yes' . . .(巴夫人馬上拆穿,聖經裡早有提及同志,她怎麼會不知道.Anne正準備辯解,剛好巴夫人接話,那是指男人喜歡男人....)
I declared I was the most innocent person in the world concerning all I had seen & heard, for everybody told me things. She said she should not have mentioned it but she knew she was not telling me anything I did not know before. I said I read of women being too fond of each other in the Latin parts of the works of Sir William Jones. . . . (Anne故作清純,這些不正經的事都是別處聽來、看來的.巴夫人才不理會她的清純無知說.Anne只好提到,在威廉瓊斯的作品中看到一些女女情事.)
In fact, she suspected me and she was fishing to find it out but I think I was too deep for her. . . . She is a deepish hand & I think, would not be sorry to gain me over, but I shall be on my guard..(Anne懷疑巴夫人故意套問她,慶幸自己城府夠深.她開始產生被迫害妄想症,警覺不要陷入巴夫人的圈套.)
10/15:She then shewed me the little book the gentleman had left here for her, 'Voyage a Plombieres', P.126, where is the story of one woman intriging with another. She has lent me the book....(巴夫人拿出一本別的男客送給她的小說,其中便有描述到一段女同故事.我很好奇,那本書有沒有收錄到Fingersmith李老先生的索引裡.)
Anne不斷強調自已注重純友誼,同時很技巧地拋出一段話恭維巴夫人:
[I] said I was half in love with Mlle de Sans but if I had appointed to go with her & was with Mrs Barlow, I could not keep the appointment. But if sitting with Mlle de Sans I could leave her to go to Mrs Barlow. Mrs Barlow has more tact, more power over me.....(她對珊小姐的情份只有五成,如果與珊小姐有約,卻在巴夫人身旁,她可不想離開;如果與巴夫人有約,卻在珊小姐身旁,她會抽身赴約.因為巴夫人對她的影響力更大.....嘴巴真甜啊!)
I joked & said if I was my father's son I shold be sure I was in love with her - should know what was the matter with me. She said I was crazy, at the same time looking as if she wished to mead me on. [I] laughed & said I was not a accustomed to this sort of thing - should take pills or salts, etc.(Anne繼續天花亂墬,如果她是男兒身,一定會拜倒在巴夫人裙下.巴夫人樂得回灌迷湯.Anne故意承受不起,說要嗅鹽還是吞藥來提神醒腦.Anne真是交際高手,兩人的對話好像在MSN的打情罵俏.)
但同時間,她的理智又不斷提醒自己,巴夫人越靠越近了,懷疑她是何居心?
.....She sat next me in the evening & every now & then I felt her near me, touching me. My knees, my toes or something.....(晚上相談,巴夫人常常貼近而坐,碰碰Anne的膝蓋,摸摸她的腳趾....天曉得還有那個部位?)
I really must be on my guard. What can she mean? Is she really amoureuse? This from a widow & mother like her is more than I could have thought of. I am safer with Mlle de Sans.....I keep telling her she is too deep, too knowing, for me.....She had said before, this house was a little world & I should think so if I had seen all she had. I begin to think so already.(Anne認為要小心.誰知道巴夫人的真正企圖?巴夫人可以成為情人嗎?Anne從沒考慮過寡婦而且是一個孩子的媽.和珊小姐在一起比較安全吧.Anne一直告訴巴夫人,她的境界太高了,高攀不起.而且巴夫人提過,這個旅館人多嘴雜,Anne應該多打探對方底細.)
巴夫人出招,Anne怯懦不應:
10/17:She put her arm round me. I might have kissed her but contented myself with shaking hands.(巴夫人圍抱她,Anne心想親回去,卻雙手發抖不敢動.)
終於有了第一個吻,只是過程有點辛苦:
10/19:Lord bless me, 'tis plain enough she would not allow me to go on in this manner, nor would she put herself so in my way if she did not like it. Just before her going, I put my arm round her waist & tried to pull her on my knee, she resisted & I gave up & apologized. I asked if she was angry as she went out. She said, 'No', & was giving me her lips to kiss when she recollected & suddenly turned her cheek, which I kissed, saying ' Why did you not do as you were going to do?' I had told her before I wished she could stay all night with me & if she wre at Shibden she could, to which she made no objection.....(其實巴夫人已鋪好紅地毯,只是Anne一直猶豫如何走上去.終於,Anne在巴夫人準備離去的關鍵時刻,她伸手環抱對方的腰想拉來坐在膝上.我覺得這個招式有點突兀,巴夫人第一個反應並沒有順從.Anne只好道歉問對方有沒有生氣.巴夫人大概是認為笨拙吧.換成由她作勢要吻,卻突然半途轉面,Anne則趁機親上她的臉頰.Anne問她,妳怎麼不做完要吻我的動作呢?她曾對巴夫人提到,如果妳在我的老家,我會要求妳整晚和我在一起.在一起做什麼?之前Anne提起過夜,可能是指促膝長談.後來不斷提起過夜,就沒那麼簡單.)
10/20: ....She observed my wedding ring. [I] said this ought to bind me but this was pure friendship & I began to dread the influence that was greater.(巴夫人注意到Anne手上的訂情戒子,Anne推說那是純友誼--鬼才相信.她開始擔心這會壞了好事.不過,事後Anne會發現那是離開巴夫人的好藉口.)
I perpetually plead my want of vanity to persuade myself it is possible for her to care for me. She little knows who she has to deal with. Before all this, I had laughed & joked & declared I would go to Italy and try the experiment, that is, get a woman there. She knew what I meant -(Anne不斷以滿足自我虛榮來,說服自己,深信巴夫人會愛上她.因為巴夫人根本不知交手的是何許人物.她對巴夫人開玩笑,會去義大利好好實驗.「實驗」的意思是去找個女人.我不懂為什麼是義大利,好像所有「敗德」情慾都發生在義大利.)
她們開始有過火的小動作,而且巴夫人最愛在情敵珊小姐的跟前偷偷進行:
10/21:While with Mlle de Sans, she (Mrs Barlow) let me have my hand up her petticoats almost to her knee. At last, she whispered, 'Do not yet.' She afterwards let me do it nearly as high. She had before taken away her legs once or twice but always put them back again. (晚餐時,Anne坐在巴夫人和珊小姐之間.巴夫人讓她的手伸進襯裙內摸到膝蓋.巴夫人一度低語制止她,但還是讓她起手.巴夫人有時承受不了,雙腿開展過一兩回,但最後還是回到淑女的坐姿.....哎呀,追求激情不是年輕人的特權,新戀情永遠讓人回復青春.)
正以為她們漸入佳境,兩人突然煞車,覺得發展太快:
10/22:Said I felt quite ashamed of myself. Was determined to get the better of the thing & insinuated it would be Mrs Barlow's fault if I behaved foolishly again....Was not accustomed to this sort of folly. (Anne說自己少不更事,把責任推到巴夫人,都是她引誘小女子啦.)
巴夫人改採以進為退的策略,她也希望關係正常化,能有個正當名份:
10/25:At last she said she was low. I asked why. She seemed ready to cry & said she thought she, too, was a little crazy....At last she said, 'If I adored you I would not live with you in this way. I would rather marry you.'....She said she could not bear to lose her own esteem & I should not love long what I did not respect. (巴夫人開始憂心忡忡,擔心這種激情不能常久,不被珍惜,於是提議結婚.哇,那時候的婚姻觀挺先進的.)
I owned this. 'But,' said I, 'if I could propose your settling at Shibden &, of course, made you understand on what terms?' 'Oh,' said she, 'I must be respected by the world.' 'So you would,' said I. 'Well but,' said she, 'what would your friends [think]?' 'Oh,' said I, 'only that you were a new friend. I could easily manage this.' 'Ah,' 'said she, 'that I would not like. It would have been better had you been brought up as your father's son.' I said, 'No, you mistake me. It would not have done at all. I could not have married & should have been shut out from ladies' society. I could not have been with you as I am.' 'But,' said she, 'you would have taken your chance with the rest.' She meant of gentlemen. (Anne很好奇巴夫人對於被帶進門的意義為何?噢,她會感到被尊重.可是巴夫人反問妳的親友會怎麼想?Anne馬上變膽小,只敢佯裝是普通朋友,容易矇混過去.巴夫人不太滿意,妳得像個男人扛起來啊.Anne趕快解釋,妳高估我了,這完全辦不到.我不可能和妳結婚,我會被逐出仕女圈.以現在的我,不可能和妳長相廝守.巴夫人這下沒有安全牌,指著Anne:妳將來可能會找個男人嫁了.)
10/26:She said I astonished Mme Galvani at first, who once or twice said to the Mackenzies she thought I was a man & the Macks too had wondered. Mrs Barlow herself had thought at first wished to imitate the manners of a gentleman but now she knows me better, it was not put on. (Anne剛到旅館,至少有兩位房客誤以為她是男士.巴夫人誤會Anne是在模仿男士的舉止,後來進一步認識,才放棄那種想法.按照現代的說法,這就是T的特質.)
She said she was low. She longed to have a home. [I] reminded her she might marry when she likes. She said she might if she had not shut herself up so many years. She likes attention & had not much from the men tonight. After waiting a while she said nobody had given her a word. Of course I gave her one directly. She would not suit me. I would tire of her - but flirting with her amuses me now.(晚上,巴夫人情緒低落,她坦言想要擁有家庭.Anne回嘴,只要妳想要就去找個歸宿.巴夫人則說自己封閉已久,引不起別人的注意.於是Anne就陪她打情罵俏.但Anne的內心再度出現可怕的獨白:她根本不適合我.有天我會厭倦她,但是現在和她調情讓我有點樂子.....唉,這不太厚道.)
這個旅館的確人多嘴雜,沒多久Anne聽到有關巴夫人的流言:
10/29: ....M. de Bellevue whispered to her the other night, 'Saint Enis touch', according to the sound, meaning sly, a saint in public but not in private.....'Well,' said I to myself, 'what hands have I got into? How to get out again? let this be a lesson for the future.'(哇,人前是聖女,人後是蕩婦!嚇得Anne緊張,為什麼招惹到這號人物?怎麼脫身?如何反範未然?)
Should have been in love with her(珊小姐) if I had been a man, but would not have married her. Would only have married an Englishwoman. Would not mix the blood......I was proud of my country.(如果我是男人,我會愛上珊小姐,但我不會娶她,只會娶英國女人.我不會混淆血統....我很熱愛祖國.天呀,Anne是被嚇壞腦筋嗎,這是什麼爛理由?)
What would Marianna say to all this if she knew? I am indeed unable, it seems, to take care of myself with women. I am always getting into some scrape with them. If Mrs Barlow did not like me she would not let me talk & do as I do. But no more, I shall be in the mire if I don't take care. (Anne突然想念起Marianna,難怪會被對方看扁.Anne承認不會應付女人,老是陷入麻煩.但她也認為巴夫人是喜歡她,才會讓她為所欲為.最後又提醒自己千萬要小心.)
其實,喊再多小心都沒有用:
11/3:In wishing her goodnight she quietly let me put my arms around her waist & gently press her & very gently kiss her. She stood, too, with her right thigh a little within my left, in contact - which she has never permitted before. She likes me certainly.(道別的時候,牽牽小手,親親一吻...都不算什麼.巴夫人同意她越線近身:兩人雙腿互相交錯貼近....)
11/4:[Mrs Barlow] often looks at my gold rings & just presses them on my finger. She had done so tonight. Said I, 'I know you often think of those rings. Perhaps you attach too much importance to them & i too little.' She asked if I had described the friend who gave them. I somehow said, 'No.' 'Ah,' said she, 'she is your dearest friend. You told me it was Mrs Lawton. You told me wrong then.' To this I mad no answer....(巴夫人覺得Anne的戒子很礙眼,直追問贈送者的來歷.Anne本想閃躲,卻被猜中就是Marianna.)
What Would Marianna say? She has not written to me of too long.(典型地找舊愛討論新歡.Anne納悶老情人為何都沒來信,趕快寫信來,可有個人商量!)
11/5:....'But there are two, & only two, things. You have been married - you must make comparisons. it is impossible you should love me well enough. And there is the thought of those rings, which does come across my conscience. But you could not love me well enough. You must make comparisons.' She merely answered, 'You do not know me.'.....I said the best thing for me would be her marrying.(我們不適合結婚的原因有兩點:妳結過婚,會比較,不可能愛我多過前夫;妳比我還會惦記我的戒子,妳一定會計較,不可能多愛我一點.巴夫人雖然想反駁,Anne一句話想打死結婚的念頭:妳嫁個好人家,對妳我都好.)
Anne要巴夫人再嫁,不表示她就了無慾望,而是手照摸,臉照親:
11/7: Kissed her in a little dark passage as we came out of the dining room. She let me kiss her now very quietly & sits with her feet close to mine....If I had a penis, tho' of but small length, I should surely break the ice some of these times, before I go.(兩人常常把握機會搞小動作,例如經過一段光線不亮的穿廊就偷親一下.兩人靠近坐著,腳就偷偷挨著.Anne暗自得意,她要是有個陽具,在離開巴黎之前,一定能破冰而出.好個登徒子的心聲?)
和珊小姐等人一同去看戲,Anne和巴夫人一找到機會就摸摸茶:
11/9:Under our shawls, had my arm round her waist great part of the time.(在影集一開場,Anne與披著長巾的Marianna在林中牽手.在巴黎,趁著披巾掩飾之便,Anne一路挽著巴夫人的柳腰而行.)
11/10:I asked if she would burn my letters [if they corresponded at a later date]. She said she would do whatever I asked her. I thanked her, saying I would then write more at ease, assured that she would destroy all that it might be imprudent to keep.(Anne沒有教導巴夫人學會暗號,於是她要求巴夫人如果未來雙方通信,請把她的信件燒掉,免得擔心有後遺症,無法暢所欲言.唉,其實Anne對巴夫人從頭到尾就不想有「後遺症」.)
Speaking of her good figure & pretty hand and of her foot, asked her to let me span her ancle. She refused. I said I was contented she should refuse me this now but could not bear it if we were always together. 'Oh,' said she, 'then it would be a different thing.' She now stands nearer to me when I kiss her, yet she always withdraws the moment it becomes that I am excited. She certainly know how to gain one's affections. (Anne正在讚賞巴夫人的好身材,突然要求握握對方的足踝.人家當然拒絕.Anne大言不慚,現在被拒沒關係,如果未來在一起,會令人受不了.巴夫人回答,到那時候當然就不一樣.在這個階段,她還能夠欲擒故縱:Anne親吻她時,靠近一點,但當Anne開始興奮便抽身而去.Anne知道這種撩撥的遊戲.等到Anne的慾望越來越強烈,巴夫人根本無從拒絕,只能一起捲入慾火.)
~ In the evening sat above an hour with Mrs Barlow - Her eyes sparkled when she saw me & she was evidently afraid lest anyone else was coming. She surely wished to have a tête-à-tête (私下深談). She rather flatters me on my talents & agreeableness & I gently flatter her on being ladylike & pretty. (巴夫人看到Anne,眼中閃爍著光芒,這個反應就對了.她想要好好聊一聊,這次交談交換許多重要資訊.一開始,巴夫人稱許她聰明,Anne讚美對方漂亮,好像傳統的男女調情.)
She asked me if I had any male correspondents. I said one, between seventy & eighty, mentioning Mr Duffin, & said I was no believer in platonic attachments. Preferred ladies' company to gentlemen's. Did many things ladies in general could not do but did them quietly. My education had been different from the common rule. I was suited to my circumstances.(巴夫人開始試探Anne有沒有男朋友?Anne火力全開,不相信柏拉圖關係,但直言女人作伴強過男人.認為自己所受教育不同於一般女子,對自己的特殊情況甘之如飴.)
On my uncle's death should come in for my uncle's estate at my own disposal. He had no high opinion of ladies, was not fond of leaving estates to females. Were I other than I am, would not leave his to me. (Anne很技巧地提到自己的身家.舅舅輕視女流之輩,本不考慮指定女繼承人.但是Anne才情出眾,才能全權管理租產. )
Mrs B[arlow] said she knew all this before. Mrs Middleton had told her. Mrs B[arlow] wanted some confidence from me but I said nothing she might not repeat. (其實巴夫人早就打聽清楚Anne的來歷,只是想從她口中驗證.多有心機啊!)
(為了確定這段書評的意思,我找來原文對照)Sarah Waters meets Daphine du Maurier. Days of Grace does everything a good debut should: moves you, surprises you and restores your faith in the power of a novel. Hall writes beautifully about the exquisite pains of unrequited love." Harper's Bazaar (UK)
Anne Lister造訪巴黎數次,第一次在1822年9/5~9/28,和父親及妹妹同行.那一次旅行令她大開眼界,不過她受不了家人沒見過世面的土樣子,恥於與他們為伍.她在9/9的日記中感歎:
"Marian(妹妹), poor girl, is no society for me & I am thoroughly ashamed of my father's vulgarity. I do indeed wish I was out of the scrape & at home. Yet never despair. I will make the best of it & improve myself as much as I can."
《Alice in Wonderland》沒有絲毫女同情節,再加上電影整體成績很失敗,照理是不會在這裡大書特書.只是我最近在研究西洋服裝史的資料,特別注意片中的服裝設計.片尾是女主角穿上一身長禮服,裡頭搭上背心,再繫上銀色領結,登船準備拓展海外市場.....難不成,這是另一個雄才大略的Anne Lister嗎?
本片的服裝設計是Colleen Atwood,她的作品多和Tim Burton合作,很了解導演的奇幻風格.其實她可以執行華麗的舞台效果,如《Chicago》 (2002)、 《Nine 》(2009);也可以勝任食人魔低調的驚悚,如《Manhunter》 (1986)、《 The Silence of the Lambs 》(1991);當然,玩過Tim Burton的絢爛人物,對於同志影片更能駕輕就熟,如《Torch Song Trilogy 》(1988)、《 Philadelphia 》(1993).
這些並不表示她沒有史實考據的能力,《Little Women》 (1994)、 《Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events 》(2004)是她的兩部古典作品.只是這畢竟不是BBC,片中的現代改良版服裝變成借今寓古的最佳道具.